Posted in feelings and shit, Life. My life.

WHY?

A question I ask myself everyday.

I ask myself this for various reasons.

Why did I walk so quickly to class? Why did I not tell that teacher I wasn’t going to be in class tomorrow? Why did I not do that homework? Why am I so awkward? Why did I just forget to text that person back?

The current major why in my life is not too major, but major enough that I am writing a bad blog post about it. I’m realizing now that I will look back on this and probably laugh at myself but whatever I guess.

Why do I like a boy two years younger than me?

A quick note: This boy is straight up exactly two years younger than me. We share a birthday.

I mean I guess part of the answer is obvious. He is cute and tall and super nice and has a good voice and an odd laugh. We became friends super easily and he makes me laugh.

But part of the answer isn’t. I have liked him for a year. And it started as me joke liking him and then grew into me actually liking him, which was bad and pretty awkward but he was really easy to talk to and straight up with me. I’m pretty sure he straight up texted me and asked me if I liked him. I said yes.

And I did. And we were sort of a thing for a little bit and then it got weird, because having a boy like you back is weird. And I did what I have done in the past which is get super awkward and self-conscious and just shut him out.

And to make matters worse, my friend wrote me a really nice and sweet note and basically made me feel like maybe I liked him? And maybe this younger boy was too young? And maybe I should just fall off the face of the earth?

Okay. That was an extreme. What I am saying is that I liked this younger boy and then shut him out and then was like “wait do I like him” after I told him I didn’t like him. What does this mean? Why do I do that?

Why have I not been able to have another actual crush since him?

I haven’t. That’s a fact.

Like I have obviously thought other boys were cute and stuff, but like someone who I genuinely pursued. Nope, no way.

I don’t know what I did. I don’t know why I did it. All I know is I’m confused and I think I have to get over him.

But I don’t know how. And I don’t know if I want too.

 

There are a lot of things that I wish I knew:

I wish I knew how to get acne off my face.

I wish I knew how to make better friends.

I wish I knew what college to go too.

I wish I knew how to deal with liking this younger boy.

I wish I knew what to do.

 

That seemed like a good ending, but I decided to read some wiki how articles and will link them below:

http://www.wikihow.com/Forget-Your-Crush

http://www.wikihow.com/Get-Your-Crush-to-Like-You

 

I just realized that there is a potential the boy will see this post and know it is about him. Oh well. Maybe. This will be deleted at some point unless I forget about this blog.

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