Posted in cawlidge, I"M STRESSED

AGH and other things

I’m here. College.

I am at college. We have started classes and I am a disorganized mess.

How do I get organized? I ask myself and then I go back to sleep because I am consistently tired and exhausted and not sure why I am here considering I am WAYYYY out of my depth and everything is so busy and bustling and I don’t know what I need to do.

I literally had three days of classes this week and am already freaking myself out.

I am auditioning (literally currently I am waiting to go in) for an improv comedy troupe because it is important to put yourself out there and be confident and yada yada yada I have no friends but would love to have some!

I need to find a way to be social! and active! and smile more! but all I can focus on right now is making sure I have all my books for my classes and that my room isn’t too messy because that would inconvenience my roommate. Oh and making sure that I eat well?? like I have to control what I eat and that’s hard. I also have to read so many books like how could I have to read SO MANY BOOKS. BUT I DO>
ALSO MY FLOSS IS UNDER MY MINI FRIDGE! I CAN’T GET IT OUT! I NEED TO FLOSS!!!!

I’m not yelling because apparently at college everyone is quiet and if that isn’t annoying enough I can’t even tell if the ‘friends’ I have made like me at all like wtf, stop pretending. but also what did i do to you?? LOVE ME?? honestly I just don’t get it.

 

Also nobody has got the gossip and that’s all I’m looking for.

Aka gimme gimme the GOSSIP.

I

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Posted in cawlidge, Life. My life.

decisions

I am a very indecisive person.

I have trouble choosing what shoes to wear, or what kind of ice cream to get.

Big decisions are even harder.

Big decisions i.e. college.

College. The next four years of my life. My future.

I’m stressed. This is a big choice. I don’t want to mess it up.

This decision is prompted by the impending date that is May 1st. When I will NEED to know.

I have 4 schools that I am seriously still looking at. I think.

Penn State University- both of my sisters went, club field hockey, far but not too far, big, party school, lots of options, Ice hockey team

Indiana University- still big, club field hockey, far but not too far, pretty (like so pretty), nice college town, diverse foods, language department huge

University of Dayton- close, friends going… literally idk I applied because one of my teachers told me I would like it (he was also  an alum so can I trust him??)

Centre College- far, small, D3 field hockey, nice people, pretty

The issue is no matter where I go, I will be outside my comfort zone.

I will have to adapt. I will have to change. What if I don’t want to change? What if I like who I am now? I’m not perfect but nobody is and that’s okay so why do I have to make myself different? To fit in. To make friends. To become who I am meant to be.

Maybe.

This is a big decision and I don’t know if I have it in me to make the right choice.